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Monday, April 24, 2006

hey my friends are setting up a blog for me.
please don't tag here anymore because the tags will be automatically deleted aft some time and i won't be able to read them anymore.
so if there's anything you guys want to say to me, leave a comment on this blog:


thanks alot

posted by joan @ 03:51

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

hey guys this is just an update for all who wants to know how i am now. i just talked to the doctor and i asked him to be totally honest with me about my condition. Apparently there is a big patch of cancer cells on the left side and the back of my neck. it is impairing the blood flow from my face to the rest of the body that's why my face is swollen. the nerves controlling my left hand starts from the neck too that's why my left hand trembles and the finger tips are numb. the cancer has eaten into the small bone near the left ear and it's blocking the tube that connects the ear to the neck. it is causing fluid to build up behind my ear drum. this has resulted in tinitus, which is this buzzing sound in my ear, and mild hearing loss in the left ear as well. the cancer has also affected my spinal cord, causing one section to be loose which is why i always have to hold my head as my spine can't support my head anymore. to fix this problem, i have to wait till the cancer's gone then go for surgery again to fix it. i cannot be operated on as the operation would be too dangerous and radiotherapy is out of the option as i just went through one cycle of it. therefore, my options are limited and i just want to say my dear friends, i am prepared for the worst. but i want to thank all of you for your love and care. i will not give up till the very end and i hope i will be remembered in your hearts as a fighter always.

posted by joan @ 00:59

Sunday, March 19, 2006

good job. my mom is like super pissed right now. cos eddie just broke this miniature statue of mother mary that was on my table in order to get to this vase of flowers. he has this obsession with flowers. don't ask me why but every someone buys me flowers he must bite them. HUA CHI. Urps haha. yesterday clarissa bought me this toy dog that is super soft and huggable. and guess what...eddie hates it. i called it edison to spite him. i put it on the floor and eddie sat on it like riding a horse and started chewing it's tail like mad. and when my mom carry him and the dog...he goes mad like he'll reach out for it and bite like crazy. haha jealous of a fake dog.

posted by joan @ 19:07

Friday, March 17, 2006

i received a call from the smu admin yesterday. been shortlisted for an interview with the school of econs but the interview's next thurs! how am i going to go??? i can barely sit up for more than 5 mins without a proper headrest. plus the speech problem. hmmm god help me. I offer everything up to you and i know you will take care of me

posted by joan @ 20:25

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

how great is the grace of God! For the past 2 days, I have so blinded by fear that my condition will get worse. I was basically in a state of panic. I couldn't stop crying and lamenting over my sure death or so it seemed. I kept crying out to the lord to keep me here on earth, to let me serve him here more. But the report yesterday I got was not a bad one. The doctor said although the tumour did not shrink, it didn't grow either. Furthermore, the radiologist thinks that there are signs that some cancer cells are dying. It's good news! Praise the lord! He has answered my prayers.
Last night, I didn't sleep very well. My heart rate was very high and I could keep hearing my heart beating in my ears. I kept sweating and my limbs were trembling in although my room is air-conditioned. This morning I woke up, initially in a bad mood. But suddenly, the holy spirit filled me and I came to realise how beautiful God's kingdom is. There is no pain, no suffering, no hunger, no tears, only eternal life at the feet of our Lord, Jesus. How wonderful is that! I realised that I shouldn't fear death. Even though I know it's going to be a very painful and tough way to die but if it can bring to the lord, it is worth it. If the lord loves me so much that he wants me to be with him sooner and suffer no more, I should feel blessed! But that doesn't mean I'm giving up on myself, as long as the lord hasn't called me home yet, I will try my best to live life to the fullest. Lord, I thank you no matter what happens and I pray for your strength to accept all that happens. Amen.

posted by joan @ 17:27